Maybe Positivity Isn’t About Being Happy at All.

Today, I keep thinking about the people who have been kind to me. Not the impressive kind of kindness that arrives wearing a cape, either. I mean the ordinary stuff—the phone call that comes at exactly the wrong time and somehow turns out to be exactly the right time, the person who remembers something you mentioned three weeks ago, the friend who says, “You good?” and actually waits for an answer. There are people who have quietly made my life easier simply by being decent human beings, and I don't think we say thank you nearly enough. We get distracted. Of course we do. We're busy chasing deadlines, paying bills, solving problems, answering messages, wondering why the grocery store can never have the checkout line we picked move faster. Then, every once in a while, something stops us. A conversation. A laugh. A hand on the shoulder. And we remember: Oh. These are the things that matter.

I've also learned that staying positive has almost nothing to do with walking around pretending everything is wonderful. That gets exhausting, and frankly, it's nonsense. Some days are hard. Some seasons hurt. Sometimes the best you can do is put one foot in front of the other and resist the temptation to narrate your entire life as a disaster. That's okay. Positivity, at least the kind I believe in, isn't a permanent state of happiness. It is a habit of attention. You notice the disappointment, but you also notice the person who stayed. You acknowledge the loss, but you remember what you were given. You admit you're tired, angry, disappointed, or scared—and then you look around anyway. What is still here? Who is still here? Those questions can change the temperature of a difficult day. Gratitude doesn't make the hard thing disappear. Wouldn't that be convenient? It simply keeps the hard thing from occupying the entire room.

I think appreciating kindness means we have to learn how to give it, too. Not perform it. Give it. There is a difference. We don't need to become saints, and nobody is asking us to hand out inspirational quotes while wearing linen pants and playing acoustic guitar in a meadow. Sometimes kindness is much less poetic. Let somebody merge into traffic. Call your brother. Listen to your partner without immediately trying to fix the problem. Tell a friend you are proud of them. Apologize when you were wrong. Let an old argument die instead of dragging its dusty corpse back into another conversation. And, just as important, remember that kindness does not mean having no boundaries. You can love people and still say no. You can forgive someone without inviting them back into every corner of your life. You can be generous without becoming depleted. That is not selfishness. That's wisdom.

So today, I'm choosing to notice. That's all, really. To notice the people who have shown up, sometimes loudly, sometimes quietly, sometimes without realizing how much their presence mattered. Maybe you have people like that, too. I hope you do. And if you do, don't wait for some grand occasion to tell them what they mean to you. Life has a funny way of reminding us that the grand occasion is often just Tuesday afternoon, sitting in a car, drinking bad coffee, talking to somebody you love. Say thank you while you can. Say, “I'm glad you're in my life.” Send the ridiculous text. Make the phone call. Be a little more generous with your affection. We spend an astonishing amount of energy trying to make our lives better, when sometimes the better life is already standing beside us, laughing at our jokes and patiently listening to the same story we've told four times. Pay attention. That's where the good stuff is. And when you find it, hold onto it—not tightly, not fearfully, but gratefully.

Positivity Perks | A Positive Mindset Blog

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Positivity Perks | A Positive Mindset BlogRussell B